Trapped in Life

Curtains

2005-08-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

I am closing this blog.
Unlike my life, this blog had a purpose, which is now lost. I have concluded that there is nothing more to say and nothing more to be heard. This was an attempt to open up a part of my mind to others. But now I feel that a part of my mind is worthless to anyone else but me and so shall not be shared and the rest is too precious to share.

If you have been visiting this blog, please do not do so anymore.

Thank you.

'Farce'

2005-07-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

That would be a one-word definition of me.

2005-07-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

"The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka.
Among all other things, you will see the breaking point, that is, only if you don't pass a judgement.

2005-07-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

I so hate life when the alarm clock goes off in the morning.

My Definition of Personal Freedom - 2

2005-07-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

I have, for some time now, been reading 'Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' by Robert Pirsig, a terrific read. From here I shall draw some opinions and thoughts that I shall use to emphasize my views on personal freedom.

Given an opportunity all of us would like to be masters of everything. We would like to be complete heroes that can do anything that is thrown at us, not unlike the protagonists of stories or movies. The confidence that a person is all capable and all powerful and all efficient can prove to be a huge ego booster. It can make his life seem fully complete and satisfying to himself. It is capable of giving supreme happiness to the person.

This being as it may, we have been taught that it is wrong to try to be masters of everything and it is wise to achieve as much efficiency as possible in one area that interests a person. That way, it is said, the needs of the world would be satisfied and thus a society would sustain itself and achieve progress. But unfortunately, not everyone suceeds in determining what their capapbilities would be most productive at. But nevertheless they stick to what they have been forced to do due to constraints that cannot be avoided because we live as a society that puts itself above its members. So at the end of their lives, they are left with the feeling of being failures.

So effectively people end up being less than what they aspire to be. Each individual is indirectly denied the right to a life that he would think is of utmost quality. The individual is being forced to sacrifice his happiness in life for an intangible entity that we term the community and effectively make his life hollow and unsatisfactory.

To be continued...

Truth?

2005-07-26T18:59:00.000-07:00

I do not know how ignorant I am!

My Definition of Personal Freedom-1

2005-07-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

There is a lot that is being spoken about libertarianism and personal liberty in blogging circles. I found one very potent and personally appealing definitions of libertarianism here. It said "Nobody influences me. I influence nobody". Thinking on those lines, here is my two cents to the topic. Here are a few things that I thought were worth pondering about and I would be extremely grateful if you could share your opinion on them.

My belief and I guess most people would agree with it is this. Each person grows with time. He learns his surroundings, interacts with people and understands the world better with time. So it is most logical that a person gets better off with time and not the other way round. He should feel more comfortable, satisfied and pleased with his life as he grows old. In order to achieve this idealistic state of things, one should not be constrained by the decisions that he had made earlier or the decisions that were thrust upon him by others.

It is a sin to take a vulnerable child and impose upon it the ideals of another individual or group. Doing that subconsciously blocks the other opportunities and ideas that may exist and forces the child to accept that whatever has been taught is the only truth and none other exists. It is one thing to teach a child history, but it is another to show the child some role models and hail their lives as the ideal ones. Such teaching restricts the spectrum of thought of the child by setting rules of right and wrong that the child would not have set for itself had it had the opportunity of investigating history by itself and drawing its own conclusions.

No ethical restrictions should be imposed upon a person. He should be free to choose and form his own ethics completely out of free will, and the most important part of it is that these ethics would be flexible. As his circumstances change and his knowledge increases he should be free to relieve himself of or change his own ethics that he had set. That way, as he progresses along life, he would refine his ideals of right and wrong and would be pleased with his life on all accounts at all times.

Some might argue that this would lead to a society where no one cares about others and would result in complete chaos. But that argument rests on the presumption that people are inherently evil and given a chance would cause more harm than good to others, which is not true. If provided with enough opportunities and if the idea of estimating the success of a person relatively with that of another is eliminated, there is would be no necessity for a person to harm another.

To be continued...

Nostalgia

2005-07-21T20:11:00.000-07:00

At the risk of sounding like a hopeless pessimist, I say that all of us always think we are in the worst phase of our lives all the time.
I see no other explanation as to why most nostalgic memories are always pleasant. We invariably look at the past and wish we were there, living it again rather than living the present.

For a fact I have tried to recollect some bad patches in my life and more often than otherwise it is the happy ones that surface in the mind. There have been periods when I would have killed to get a different life. But still, when I reflect on those periods now, I am able to see atleast something positive.

Time makes black look grey and grey look white.

Altruism

2005-07-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard for people to believe that every living being is entitled to be self centered and in its true form, actually is self centered?

We all try and live this great hypocritic life where we think we don't care about ourselves and think that the most important thing is to help others live a better life. I feel like laughing out loud when people swear that their 'ambition' in life is to help make a positive difference in the lives of others.

Is it that hard to realize that what drives the material world is material things? Although Maslow's hierarchy is disputed, his idea of the basic necessities of life are unquestionable. People who don't have access to the basic needs of food, clothing, shelter and sex strive to get those. Beyond that, it is wealth, and fame. What the self needs is always the greatest motivation.

The first thought in any person's mind on losing a 'loved one' would certainly be "What happens to me now?". So why not blow the cover and admit that we are all 'selfish'? It would be so convenient, wouldn't it?

2005-07-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

What would you do if you met your clone? Someone that thinks and acts exactly like you and you know all that he knows about himself and others.
I would kill him right away. Only if he doesn't kill me before that, though.

2005-07-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I had, left in me, what they called "values". But that time is past now.
Am I sorry about that? Most certainly not.
All that I care about now is my own skin and it doesn't look like thats going to last very long either.

2005-07-18T23:19:00.000-07:00

What is the fucking point

Some Subjectivity Please

2005-07-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

The other day I was havinig one of these conversations on life with a friend over some bad pulao that I had cooked for lunch. I, being a chronic cynic, was putting down anything that organized society has come up with and she being the eternal optimist was trying to counter my claims.

Anyways, my take was this. We humans, irrespective of where we live or how we live, have developed this dangerous tendancy of forgeting the causes and holding on to just the effects.

Of all the things that we do everyday in our own little lives, we hardly ever try to think and reflect on why we actually do them and what purpose it serves at a deeper than superficial level.

It may be convenient to live as a herd that doesn't think much about what it does but just does what is expected of it. But unfortunately this leaves our lives and minds with such a hollow void that it seems absolutely futile at a deeper level.

We try so hard to live up to someone else's definition of success. We try and insensitively mould our minds to the ideals that someone left behind ages ago. We unquestioningly carry the weight of a hundred generation's stale ideas and the mutations of those ideas on our backs without even realizing that we might be so much better off without them.

We celebrate our country because someone told us that is the right thing to do. We pray to god because someone said it would help, and would not answer any further questions. We conform so blindly to all that we see. We think whatever is normal, whatever everyone does, is always right and that is the way to be. Anyone that does not follow it is branded a radical, an outcast and even an insane person.

We hardly ever think about the context in which things were said and their relevance to the present. In the mad fervor to preserve tradition, we forget that the single most important thing is the self and everything else is subordinate to the need for an individual to live a complete life.

Isn't it time we stopped, took a step back and evaluated our practices and ideals in the light of the lives and times that we live in? Isn't it time we enforced some of our own subjective analysis on our traditions and the 'virtues' that we so passionately uphold? Isn't it time we thought about the actual causes of the things that we do and the real purpose they serve? Isn't it time some sensibility and logic is let to prevail and true human needs are given significance rather than some fake senseless idealisms?

Why Beauty?

2005-07-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

Nature is inherently beautiful. Everything from the level of the little leaf to a whole huge forest looks beautiful, as in, it appeals to the human senses. The sights, sounds and smells of nature have as yet no parallel in any other source of sensory impulses.

But coming to think of it, why should nature be beautiful? Definitely not because we can enjoy its beauty. It is beautiful because there is a function to it. The flower is beautiful, colorful, fragrant not to appeal to us but to appeal to the fly that will sit on it and pollinate it.

Its more so that we humans have grown to define beauty in terms of the ways in which nature presents itself. In such a subtle way this is a blow to my human ego which tends to think of nature as a beautiful entity. Maybe you have realized this before, but isn't it ridiculous when we pluck a flower out of a plant and hold it in our hands and look at it and say its beautiful? It is beautiful only because it serves a purpose. Its always function over form, just that we don't realize it often.

Funny!

On Patriotism

2005-07-08T16:34:00.000-07:00

Of all the mass hallucinations that organized society has thrust upon mankind, perhaps the most powerful and the most ridiculous concepts would be patriotism and religion. This post is on my angst against the former.

It is perfectly natural for all creatures to be territorial. It is in the nature of most animals to fight if their territory is invaded.
Some people would argue that patriotism stems from this natural instinct. But that is a rather absurd generalization.

At first sight it seems to make sense because as citizens of one country the people tend to share some of the same fate as they face the same judicial and economical conditions as the other citizens. Anything that affects one part of the country could potentially directly or indirectly affect the people in other parts as well.

But that still doesn't explain the amount of fanatic passion that goes in the name of patriotism. Particularly at wartime people tend to get into this mass hypnotism where they forget the most important thing that human life, whosever it may be is the most important thing. I don't care a damn about it as I am already waiting for the joyous day when the human civilization gets extinct.

Its amazing how a person sitting down in Chennai would be happy about a Pakistani soldier being killed while the same person is angered when a person just a few miles away in Kashmir is killed. The only thing that seperates the two people is an artificial line drawn by some stupid politician just a few years ago. This feeling goes even beyond the bond that should exist as the Indian and Pakistani could possibly descend from the same ancestors not very long ago.

Even the generally intelligent and important people who are perfectly sane in every other sense fail to think beyond national barriers. Its amazing how hard it is for people to dismiss this absolutely artificial difference between humans. Going by the way the people in authority tend to delibrately or unassumingly use it to manipulate the mind of citizens, it wouldn't be surprising if Orwell's 1984 would stare straight at us in just a few decades.

As long as we do not realize the point of our existence in this world, the only thing that we can possibly do is to respect and tolerate each other and live in peace. The waste of energy, time and emotion of billions of people over divisions that are so completely removed from nature is atrocious. But as long as most people are stupid enough to not realize this and others cunning enough to use it, there is not much of a hope for lasting peace among humans.

2005-07-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

I have made a conscious decision to stop defining myself and stop trying to live upto my own or anyone else's expectations.

At Peace

2005-07-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

This moment, I am at peace with myself, my mind and the rest of the universe.
It takes an hour in the bus alone with some non distracting melody in the ears to knock some sense into my mind and make it realize again what has already been thought and understood.

As an afterthought, to sum up the revelation in one word, I can sufficiently say 'buddha'. All that it means is to give up expectation.

I chose(*) to live the way I am living. If I choose to live in another way now, by all means I can. There is no stopping me. As long as I understand and remember what is the most vital truth, I can live as many lives I want at the same time, maybe even without compromise.

"In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true." - Gautham Buddha.
This buddha guy must have had quite some experience!

The soution to every non trivial problem is the blank slate.

(*) more of that in another post.

As it Flows

2005-06-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

Rivers, or flowing water in general, seems to have a profound influence on my mood. Don't know if it is true with everyone.

Whenever I look at a river, it eases my mood. Maybe it signifies something important like passing time or silent might. Whatever it is, I seem to like it.

If I ever get a house, I should look for a view of a flowing river.

But, where can I find a 'flowing' river in Chennai, which is for me the only place thats worth getting a house in?

2005-06-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how for years you chisel and sculpt your personality into something that you want it to be only to discover in a flash that its not what you want any more.
Life is funny.

Me in My Burrow, You in Yours.

2005-06-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

Although it all looks equally pointless when looked at from the top, each of us have our own things to worry about.
You sit in this burrow under the ground and think the whole universe is just that. Every little pebble looks like a boulder, every little drop looks like an ocean.

It takes enormous effort to come out of the burrow and take a look at the rest of the world.

Yet, we all do it once in a while. When the burrow looks bad, coming out of it to realize the triviality of our troubles is a pleasant change.
But unfortunately, at times, just for the heck of it, you also come out of it when the burrow is a nice, comfy, peaceful place.
And unforgivingly, it again dawns on you that your burrow is still a trivial thing against the vastness of the universe and reality. It is at moments like those that you get shattered, unable to come to terms with reality.

But only until you sneak back into your burrow, ready to get stuffed...yet again!

Documentation

2005-06-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

Things that make absolute sense one moment look like something completely ridiculous at a later time.

I was reading some of the stuff that I had written to myself and some others a long time back. When I wrote it, it made perfect sense to have written it and I would assume that it had the desired impact. But now I look at the same words and laugh at them. The reason is that it is only the words that are documented, not the context in which they were presented.

Coming to think of it, this has been a huge bane to all of mankind throughout history. We have been making the same mistakes over and over again in our own lives and as a species as we have evolved. Its just that we have not looked at the past and learnt from our mistakes.

The younger generation blames the older one for the sorry state of the world. But over time it flawlessly repeats the mistakes of the older generation just to hear the same rant from the next one.

Only had we documented the events and ideas we have had over the years, and looked at them diligently, I presume we would be a much more evolved species, and maybe even a bit more mature one.

Well, perhaps if I had written a good diary I would be a better person...or would I have a better reason to hate myself?

The Seed Crystal

2005-06-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

Anyone familiar with Pirsig might be able to relate to the title of this post.

It is a burst of of a set of complex emotions that has ended my very long delibration on starting a blog.

These words that you read come from the mind of a person who has without doubt been convinced of the futility of life and existence but still has to helplessly put up with it.

But first things first. This being my first post, I shall present a mission statement for this blog.

If I continue to populate this blog and if you choose to follow it, there are certain things that you can expect out of it.

This will not be my personal diary where I document the events that happen in my highly inconsequential life. Neither will this be the altar where I display my skills at writing which leave very much to be desired anyways.

But what this will be is a place where I shall rant and ramble on things that I observe and the ways in which I perceive them. My own analysis of life, the universe and everything else.

So that is what it is. Here is where I lay before you my mind, half naked, for you to look at and comment.

By the way, the seed crystal was the title of the blog.